BECOMING FILIPINO

Brief musings on June 12 -- Philippine Independence Day

I was born, raised, and educated in the Philippines. Although we're told almost from the time we enter school that Filipinos are a mixture of Malay, Spanish, and Chinese blood, I prefer to say I'm 100% Filipino. After all, I didn't attend the Tia Carrere/Jasmine Trias ethnicity school of "I'm Filipino/Spanish/Chinese." Yeah, whatever. I'm Pinay as they come.

But I never really thought of myself as Filipino until I came to the United States. That might sound strange but, really, in the Philippines one doesn't have to remind oneself of it; It's a given. Perhaps we should, though -- but I'll save that opinion for a later discussion.

Instead, we identify ourselves by clan, socio-economic class, geographic factors, and even school(s) attended. For instance, even here in Los Angeles, whenever I meet the parents of my Filipino-American friends they inevitably ask, "What's your last name? Who are your parents? What province are you from? Are you related to so-and-so? Where do you go to school?" It's a line of questioning I've come to expect and am used to answering. People tend to prefer the comfort of sorting the unfamiliar into labeled boxes until all becomes familiar; that just happens to be the allure (and danger) of stereotyping.

When I was in college, most of my friends were second-generation Filipino-Americans. For most of them being Filipino meant eating adobo, pancit, and lumpia (and always, always steamed rice); of relatives and family friends getting together at home for a night of karaoke and/or mahjong; and of being frequently scolded by their elders for not knowing how to speak Filipino.

And as for me -- well, I didn't really think much about who I was and how I defined myself until I was pressed against the ethnic/racial mirror held up flat against my face. For instance, I've been called "chink" and I've also been told I didn't look Filipino because "(I) didn't look like a monkey" (yep, that bitch dared think that would be a compliment). But most of all, I think when you're trying to adjust to a new place and are continuously trying to figure out why you feel so lost and confused, it brings you back to wondering what makes you so different in the first place -- and then leads you all the way to the question, "Well, just who are you anyway?"

It was perhaps the generation of young Filipino-Americans before my time who began to organize in colleges into clubs and explore what it meant to be Filipino. They began staging cultural nights showcasing Filipino music and dance, learning about Filipino-American history in the U.S., reading Carlos Bulosan's America is in the Heart and then visiting the surviving manongs, who came here early in the 20th century to work the fields in search of a better life.

The impetus for self-discovery -- for ethnic identity and pride -- was still quite strong when I was in college. Because I was a foreign student from the Philippines, I was often consulted to verify or authenticate. All of a sudden I was seen as the expert in all things genuinely Filipino. The irony was that although I was proficient in Philippine history and music, none of my friends in the Philippines would even think of asking me to, say, translate a poem or demonstrate a dance step. For instance, when I was a freshman in Ateneo de Manila, I was (in)famous in class for having said truk (pronounced trook) instead of trak to mean "truck." In other words, I was no expert -- just a poseur with the right credentials.

So I learned all the things I should have probably already known, along with my Filipino-American peers. For instance, I met the brilliant Eleanor Academia and joined the World Kulintang Institute (I was the only non-musician in a group of musical geniuses). Academia's husband, Cas Magda introduced me to kali, eskrima, and arnis, and showed me video footage he took of elderly, frail-looking eskrimadors demonstrating their martial arts moves with amazing strength and speed. I knew none of this before I came here.

I suppose you can say I became Filipino in America. I did learn what made me Pinay was not so much that I could speak Filipino (which I'm way more proficient at today, by the way), or that I know and appreciate Filipino arts and culture, or that I watch TFC and read Philippine online news sites daily, or even that I visit the country every year. It's much, much more than that.

Many folks say it's so hard being Filipino today -- or at least, being proud of it -- when the Philippines seems to be in shambles and so many are fleeing to other shores to make a living and, more importantly, a life. This is what I believe: Who I am is an unchanging truth -- separate from all the tumultuous changes in Philippine social, political, and economic realities. I think being Filipino begins simply with identifying yourself as one -- it doesn't matter how you look or how you talk or where you choose to live. And that's why I don't believe there's such a thing as being a good Filipino or a bad Filipino -- because who, after all, has the right to define the standards to which we all should be compared to?

I was born Filipino and I will die as one. Everything that happens in the middle -- learning about what it means to be one and how that figures into my place in the world -- is, very simply, a gift.

Comments

[mark]

Hi Gigi! Happy Independence Day! Like you, I am appreciating the uniqueness of Pinoy culture during my stay here in the US. I don't miss the politics and the problems but I do miss the richness of what our culture has to offer. Too bad most mainstream media choose to focus on the politics and the problems. If it bleeds, it leads right?

Oh yeah...during my first two years in the Ateneo, I would take the jeep and hang out with my friends at UP Diliman during my breaks. Di kasi ako maka-relate sa eksena. hehe.

[KnOizKi]

Happy Indie!

If people ask me about the problems in the Phil right now, I would say, "I've lived all my life in HK and I don't know about Arroyo's". Then if people say, wow Filipino has a lot of music talents and I'd say "I'm so proud of it" perhaps it's how Filipino is known for, a MUSIC talented country.

[KnOizKi]

added to that: A filipino of beautiful people, kind, happy people despite of poverty.

[Gigi]

Hi Mark and KnOizKi - Happy Independence Day to both!

[mell]

:)

very well stated. I would write about this subject, but I am hard pressed for time.

PS
thanks for the comment in my blog, it surely helped! :D

[BatJay, Ang Dating Supot]

i agree with you santa gigi. my stay here in singapore has made me appreciate being pinoy even more. i miss all the things that i took for granted when i was home - the quirks, the humor and all the funny little things we do in the philippines just so we can cope with the hardship.

happy independence day.

[Gigi]

Hi Mell - I'm glad you're feeling better. :) My friend showed me this quote not too long ago, and I thought of you. It was by Margaret Fuller: Men, for the sake of getting a living forget to live.

Hello Sir BatJay - Arnel and I often find ourselves laughing at things and situations no one else finds funny. Then we realize: we're really Pinoy na Pinoy.

[Luchie]

Very true Gigi, who has the right to define what a true Filipino is?
We should be proud of our heritage even though we opt to be citizens of other countries.Being in touch with one's heritage is one best definition too.

[mell]

that quote nearly brought me to tears. thanks.

[Geejay]

Same with me. I only appreciated being a Filipino after leaving the Philippines behind. I now use more obsucre Tagalog words than when I was back in the Philippines. I also eat steamed rice more often now whereas in the Philippines, I love eating sandiches for dinner. :)

[Gigi]

Hi Luchie :) I think being in touch with our heritage also keeps us rooted -- esp. as we try to adjust to our new home and begin a new life.

Hi Mell - I'm glad it touched you in some way. I always try to remember what's most important -- because it's so easy to forget when we're constantly focused on the daily grind. Not an easy thing to do, 'no?

Hello Geejay - Haha, I know what you mean! When I was growing up, I didn't like patis, and I hated it when we had sinigang or tinola. Now I never run out of patis (not that it's good for my health), and guess what I always look forward to eating nowadays? :)

[vvvicente]

I am glad that there are Filipinos like you who exist in the world outside the Philippines. After 30 years of being Filipino, I think I have somewhat come to know what exactly that means, and with that comes the realization that I will never leave this country for I love it too much to let it go completely to the dogs. I hope people like you come back. :-)

[Gigi]

Hi VVV - I'm actually smiling right now because I'm listening to Black Eyed Peas's new album, and I just got to the song "Bebot," which positively overflows with Pinoy pride. I know the song won't mean anything to many BEP fans but just hearing it puts a extra pep to my step. Truth be told I don't think it's a particularly terrific piece -- but I've downloaded it into my iPod anyway.

And it's just such a coincidence because I'm reading your comment now, too, and thinking -- yeah -- this is what it should feel like. Anyway, just as you are glad there are proud Filipinos outside of the Phils, we remain hopeful because of those of you over there, who are determined we don't turn into a memory of a country that could have been great. You know, I really love it here -- but still, there's no place quite like home.

[bugsybee]

I'm proud of you Gigi! I'm proud that you are proud to be Pinay! No matter what's happening to our country - mahirap man tayo o magulo o maraming problema - I'd not choose to be anything else but a Filipina. I love our country and I'll always be proud to be Pinay! (Belated) Happy Independence Day!

[milkphish]

Stepping back is when we get the bigger picture. Our viewpoint becomes different and more pronounced when we see everything in a different light.

I am more of a Filipino living in the states than my "social" cousins in Manila will ever be.

This viewpoint is what I hold dear whenever I toil over the thoughts of why my parents ever moved us here in the first place.

[micketymoc]

Nailed it right on the head. And yes, I really, really hate people who are so insecure about their ethnicity that they have to add a hyphenate to assuage their insecurity. There's this Singaporean newscaster who pissed me off that way: raised in the Philippines, spent a few years in Canada, and suddenly he's a f###'n "Canadian-Filipino" when asked to describe his nationality. Feeling talaga. :)

[Gigi]

HI bugsybee, milkphish, and micketymoc :)

Identity really begins with a choice. For instance, I have a friend in Manila whose bloodline is Spanish and German; I think she may have a couple of drops of Filipino somewhere in the mix, but she looks 100% European. When asked "what are you?", she won't hesitate a second to answer, "Filipino."

Contrast this to a guy I know who used to "make ligaw." He's a quarter Filipino, three-quarter Spanish. His mom (who is half Pinay) told him to make sure he marries a kastila or else he'd "corrupt the blood" in the family. He seemed to agree to the plan -- which made me wonder why he was wasting my time. Needless to say, I didn't want any of his blood to corrupt mine either, so I happily said "adios" and never saw him again.

In my opinion neither one is right or wrong; however, my guy friend obviously has deep-seated self-hatred issues passed on to him by his mom. That, to me, is what I see as his real problem.

[jdavies]

The most poetic line in your post is this: I suppose you can say I became Filipino in America. Chills me beyond words...

About arnis and kali... I know a bit of it... it would be great to spar with that guy with a six pack in the pick... looks like he's really good. Punongguro ang dating!

[Harrrumph]

Hi Gigi! Was blog-hopping and I came across your blog... Happy Independence Day to you. I was in the mall yesterday and I heard the tagalog BEP song playing, ALIW! Never thought they'd play a tagalog song in a Singapore mall. Anyway, have you ever been to Singapore? :-)

[Gigi]

Hi Jardine :) Yep, you could certainly spar with Mr. Six-Pack; he trained for a bit under Magda (can you tell?). I guess you can say he's brilliant with sticks all around -- percussionist kasi :).

Hello Harrrumph - It really jolts to hear the constant echo in the "Bebot" song of "Filipino, Filipino..." Although this is not the first song BEP recorded about Apl's Pinoy experience, it really leaves no doubt what his message is about. Anyway, I haven't been to Singapore, atlhough it's on my list of places I must go to. My dad used to frequently visit for business, and each time always had praises for the country. Thanks for stopping by -- you'll see me around too. :)

[petite]

very well said, gigi! i find your post very heartwarming and inspiring.

i'm always proud to be filipino and i don't hide it, even here in a corner of the world far, far from home.

sometimes it's difficult to articulate this pride of being a pinoy, especially during those times (thankfully they've been rare!) when the people i'm speaking with either a) seem to think they should feel sorry for me because i come from a 'third world' country, b) only know about the philippines in relation to world war 2 (either they or someone they know was a veteran of that war), or c) don't know anything about it at all, and ask me questions like "so, is your country a free country?".

but i've come to terms with the reality that some people don't really know much about us at all, and at times i'm even glad that i have an opportunity to share information about the philippines and filipinos with them. i would like to think i left them with a better understanding and appreciation of things pinoy.

on another note: i love the anthemic "noypi" by bamboo. "hoy/pinoy ako/buo aking loob/may agimat ang dugo ko". galing!

[jayred]

Ang ganda ng post na ito. Natuwa ako sa part na sinabi mo na "proficient" ka pa sa Tagalog. Yung mga cousins ko na nadyan na pinanganak at lumaki sa US (all my relatives migrated to the USA in the '70s and '80s), di na marunong mag-Tagalog kasi di na nila ginamit sa bahay (ayaw daw according to my aunts and uncle).

"I was born Filipino and I will die as one. Everything that happens in the middle -- learning about what it means to be one and how that figures into my place in the world -- is, very simply, a gift."

I just love the way you put it! (I switched to English because it's easier for me to express myself in English.)

Kudos to your very readable blog!

[Gigi]

Hi Petite and Jayred,

Thank you so much for your comments :) Nakakataba ng puso!

[sarah]

you rock, gigi. =)

when my family and i went back to the states a few years ago for a visit, our older relatives couldn't understand why we would willingly go back to manila when we could stay here.

our reply? "it's home." and it really is, warts and all.

[Gigi]

Hello Sarah - You got it backwards there. No, it's you (and your family) who rock. :)

[AnP]

that's one of the best entries I have ever read about being Pinoy.

I guess, a lot of people have this false impression of what makes us filipino. I've read some blogs about pinoy pride although, the only thing they cna be proud of is the fact (as you also mentioned) that they eat adobo and pancit.