SHRIMP TALES

A few strange but true stories about shrimp love and dating.

ONE

My friend S is tall and drop-dead gorgeous. She admits she would never date a man shorter than she is; he has to be at least her height (5'10") or, better yet, taller. One day one of her best friends, N, decided to set her up with a co-worker. N kept going on and on about how funny and fabulous the guy was, so S agreed to meet him. They met at Killer Shrimp, a popular restaurant chain specializing in... yeah that, in Marina del Rey.

"He was, like, 4'0" tall!" she shouted in disbelief. "I asked N, 'Do you even know me?' because I couldn't believe she'd think I'd fall for a short guy."
"Not even Tom Cruise?" I asked her.
"Oh God, no."

So sometime after they met, he asked S if she'd like to join him and a few friends to go out and do something that sounded interesting to her at the time. She said yes -- besides, she didn't want to diss her friend's buddy. I'm not sure of details now, but I think they were supposed to meet at his place and then head out together. When she got there, she realized she was IT -- the entire guest list, the guest of honor, in fact. To her extreme distress, no one else was coming. And he even cooked (shrimp scampi) that night -- so she couldn't just leave, even if she wanted to. And later that night, they were sitting on the couch talking.

"Then all of a sudden, he lunged at me!" she said, in undeniable disgust. She re-enacted the dreadful scene -- she stuck her tongue far out and reached towards me in a flash. "Like that!" she said. "And I don't know what it was about him and shrimp -- N later told me that's all he eats."
"No wonder he's small, red, and curly," she added, "You are what you eat, after all."

TWO

One night D went on a romantic date with her boyfriend; he ordered something with shrimp, and she didn't. You see, D is highly allergic to it -- even the aroma of shrimp can cause her throat to start closing up and send her scrambling for medication. The night was wonderful -- the romance kept escalating with every minute, and a few hours later they were at her place. A lot of kissing and fondling ensued, more groping and labored breathing -- then clothes and shoes started flying. She then unzipped his pants and focused her concentration completely on the part of his body standing at full attention, begging for her scrutiny and contemplation.

When she was done, she immediately began choking. She was having a full-on allergic reaction to what she had just ingested. Her boyfriend rushed her to the emergency room that night. I'm still trying to figure out how she explained to her doctor why and how she consumed the one thing that could kill her. If she hadn't learned her lesson then, she has now: No contact with shrimp. Ever.

THREE

A long time ago, Arnel was attracted to a girl whom he met in college and asked her out. He then asked around for restaurant recommendations and many of his friends recommended Killer Shrimp, also the one in Marina del Rey. The consensus was that the food was great, ambiance was fun and casual -- definitely a good date place. He was set and ready.

When he picked her up, she asked where they were going and he told her, expecting her to be thrilled. "Oh no!" she was obviously alarmed, "I'm allergic to shrimp." Arnel thought quickly, but he didn't have a back-up plan. Then he reasoned with himself: could there possibly be any restaurant that serves nothing but one item? After all, even steakhouses serve fish or pasta, for instance.

Well, Killer Shrimp, apparently. The popular restaurant offers its patrons three options only: shrimp with bread, shrimp with angel hair pasta and shrimp with steamed rice. And by the way, all the shrimp is bathed in a spicy garlic butter sauce. But he didn't know this: his research was obviously not extensive enough.

His date must have been thinking along the same lines as he was, because she agreed to go anyway. I'm not sure why my darling husband didn't leave the moment they perused the menu; he must have liked what he saw. She didn't, however -- and she never saw him again.

So when Arnel asked me out on our first date, he let me pick the place. He must have liked what he saw then -- because he never left. And we both, most definitely, love our shrimp.

Comments

[evi]

The second shrimp tale is hilarious. But still makes me wonder if it is possible. She could explain to the doctor that she never thought she's allergic to lobster, so she ate it. It wasn't shrimp at all. Let the doctor read between the lines.

[Nikki]

Once upon a time, I observed to the girlfriend of a friend of mine that copious ingestion of Coke seems to make a man's semen taste somewhat acrid. Next thing I knew, my poor guy friend, a renowned Coca-Cola addict, was officially forbidden to drink the stuff! It was a while before he forgave me; but, well, as your friend S noted, you ARE what you eat...

[Gigi]

Hi Evi - I swear I would have thought it was an urban tale if the people hadn't been real!

Hello Nikki - Tell your guy friend to start drinking lots of pineapple juice. Both he and your girlfriend will be grateful for the tip. And he should stay away from kimchi! I once told my guyfriends the same thing and it became sort of a mantra of ours: Keep away from the kimchi! Even Sam, my Korean-American friend, abstained for a while. No wonder girlfriends tend to really like me (except for the ones of my exes, of course). :)

[rei]

Gigi - a friend of mine swears by tea; apparently it makes him taste sweeter. I cannot personally guarantee it, but I DO know that she and her boy were both on a tea-drinking binge, so ... perhaps it helps. Tea IS supposed to cleanse, after all.

About Story One: I sympathize with S. I don't mind dating short guys, but one who is a foot shorter than me is a little TOO much. My short guy friends, however, assure me that "nagpapantay lahat sa kama" - everything evens out in bed. "If we ever get to bed," I answered.

Story Two: see above comment. I have noted the advice you gave Nikki's friend about pineapple juice. :D Thank you!

Story Three: poor Arnel! I would probably have done the same thing, though, had I been in his place ... because I would probably have thought "Oh come on, they MUST serve something other than shrimp." On the other hand, I LOVE shrimp ...

[Gigi]

Hi Rei :)

I've heard the same comment from guys before. My answer always is: Bakit, sa kama lang ba parati ang ligaya? (And if it is, they have way more problems than just being height-challenged. At least that's my opinion. :) )

Arnel and I met up with some friends at Newport Beach tonight at this place that specializes in shrimp and lobster. Funny thing is the guys were very sympathetic and understanding; not so much with the women. He ended up ordering the fish taco :)

[thebee]

Okay, I learned a lot, and I mean A LOT of things from this post. {GRIN}

I'm still reeling hahha!

[Gigi]

Hi Melissa! I think more was said in the Comments section than in the post itself. What can I say, I just love our fellow bloggers -- very few shrinking violets around here. Keeps me honest. :)

[sarah]

perhaps i can mention a few of your tips to my friends at a birthday party later. ;)

[Gigi]

Hi Sarah:) Sure! Warning though -- you will suddenly find yourself much more popular with the men (who'd be intrigued as to how you became armed with such powerful knowledge :) ).