EVERYDAY LESSONS

I was doing laundry today and found my mind drifting off as I was folding bath towels. I was going through the usual motions -- hold the towel lengthwise, bring both left and right sides towards the middle, and then do the same with the top and bottom. I've been doing it this way for so many years, but no one else in my family folds towels the way I do. It obviously wasn't something I learned at home.

I suddenly remembered that I was simply copying how an ex-boyfriend used to fold his. He was a neat freak and his apartment was immaculate and spotless. He had a particular way of doing things -- of doing everything -- and there was no room for deviation in his life.One day I took a shower at his place and he lent me a bath towel to use. When I was done, it hit me that I couldn't just hang up the towel any which way -- so I observed how his was draped on the towel rod and did exactly the same thing.

I've been doing it exactly the same way since. The boyfriend didn't last too long -- yet he'll always be a part of me (at least every time I do laundry).

I started thinking of things I do in my everyday life -- habits and actions that are so ingrained in me that I no longer am aware when and how I do them. These are part and parcel of who I am, even if they are just as significant for other individuals -- some close to me, others virtually strangers. I realized that we all constantly touch someone else's life, even without being aware of it. And that sometimes we teach others just by doing what we normally do.

For instance, when I'm itchy and I don't want to break skin, I pat myself repeatedly on the part of my body I want to scratch until the itch goes away (it's replaced by a slight sting instead). I learned this by watching my high school religion teacher do the same thing absentmindedly while teaching our class. Sometimes while I'm patting myself silly I still think of Ms. Zaragosa.

Or before I drive, right after I turn the ignition and start the engine, I have to cross myself. If I don't do it, it will keep gnawing at me that I forgot to do something important until I realize just what it is. And then I cross myself. You see, my first boyfriend used to do so every single time before he drove off, and when I learned how to drive his act became part of my routine too.

I still laugh the way my former boss at Liz Claiborne used to. We used to laugh together so often that eventually I found myself sounding more and more like her when we did. The funny thing is folks now know when I'm around, even if they can't see me, when they hear me laughing. There's just no mistaking your laugh, they tell me.

I learned how to execute one of my favorite scarf looks by watching how a stylish customer tied one around her neck. I write dollars and cents in numerical form the same way I once saw a buyer do it. And the way I tell my husband "I love you" at the end of every phone call is how I used to hear a friend's sister say it; it was the sweetest gesture that melted my heart, even if she wasn't saying it to me.

In a way, we're all teachers, even if we don't mean to instruct. And if we're open to new experiences, we can learn from almost anyone -- even folks we normally wouldn't care to deal with due to our biases and preconceived notions of who they are. We all have something to impart, and we probably do without being cognizant of it. And possibly that seemingly insignificant action or practice becomes part of someone else's being -- thus connecting us together for a lifetime -- even if we never learn each other's name.

We don't need to try to change the world in order to make a difference, and we don't have to be "important" to matter to someone else. I think we do that just while we live, just as we are.

Comments

[Anna]

Gigi, you fold towels like the way my husband does, and he got that from his mom. It looks really neat but I don't like it because his style of folding left the stack of towels higher, so there was less space to squeeze towels on the shelf. (Space is always a premium in our tiny home.) I'm not sure if he continues to do so, because I usually end up folding the towels anyway.

An unconsious habit of mine that I never realized I had was crossing myself in the shower before bathing. I was not even aware I did this until he asked me one day when we were showering together why I did that. I stared at him blankly and said, "Did what?" "Cross yourself." "I didn't!" His turn to stare. "You just did, just now! You always do." I swear I did not remember doing it and still remain unaware whenever I do so. I know where I got that - when I was a child, one of our maids (I think) told me that I had to do that to prevent me from slipping in the bath, hitting my head and killing myself when I bathed. It used to be a conscious thing when I was younger, but apparently it stuck so hard I don't have any conscious recollection of it even seconds after I've done it!

[MadMuse]

You're absolutely right. I am a sum total of the qualities and habits that I have seen in friends and strangers, that I wanted to imbibe in myself. And now sometimes, I see myself in my nephews and nieces. It's uncanny how people ARE watching, whether we are aware of it or not.

[cheesecake]

I agree with MadMuse...

My husband is very meticulous with regard to cleanliness, that he uses a toothbrush to clean forks. He wants to make sure no parcels of food got stucked in between. And that's what I do now.

[Gary]

And now I find myself folding shirts like that mpeg clip that you had a long while back. I trip out folks like it did when I first watched it. And I never look at lemmon bars the same without thinking of you. hee, hee, hee

[Gigi]

Hi Anna - Oh, that's the funniest story! As I was reading your shower story, I was anticipating that the reason you crossed yourself first was because you watched "Carrie" and were permanently traumatized. :) As for towel folding, I have another system -- but because I learned it for retail presentation, it's creates even thicker piles (to make those towels look oh-so-fluffy and thick :) ). What can I say, even my closet looks like a store stockroom.

Hello MadMuse - Exactly! Sometimes it's easy to think we're all islands, especially when we're stuck in our routines and feel isolated from the rest of the world. But as long as we're around others, we're really not. Any small movement or action can set off a ripple effect, whether or not we're aware of it.

Hi Cheesecake - Wow! That is meticulous. I wonder if he ever thinks of how utensils and dishes are cleaned in restaurants, or even other people's homes. :)

Hi Gar - I bet you're an EXPERT at that Japanese folding trick! Hehe, I think the last time I baked lemon bars was when I taught you how and you surpassed the teacher :( It was all in the strokes, if I remember well. Hehe.

[John]

I learn more from other people than from myself. I cant seem to learn on my own as I keep on repeating the same mistakes over and over and over again. One psychology dropout student told me once that there is a scientific reason for this. I just couldn't think of it now though.