A NIGHT OF FIRSTS

WARNING: ADULT CONTENT

A friend just revealed to me the first time she ever watched porn -- her experience was similar to that of many of my other girlfriends, who have shared high school memories of slipping a forbidden tape into the machine at someone's home and watching agape amid alternating fits of gasping and giggling.

And although I'd much prefer to watch my porn solo or with just one other person -- preferably someone I'd like to replicate onscreen action with so as to test for authenticity -- doing so with friends can be fun, but up to a certain point in my opinion. For instance, I know a guy with an extensive collection of bukkake titles who watches them regularly with his sisters and their boyfriends. Only recently my husband told me about how he'd freak out when he'd drop by a (former) friend's house and find a large group of the guy's siblings, relatives, and friends congregated in the living room watching hardcore porn while eating lumpia and pancit. Now, I'm hardly a prude but the thought of watching hardcore with family creeps me out (I can barely imagine what I would do if I sensed a relative getting turned on. Would that be just steps away from an incestuous experience? Are there any legal repercussions in all this?).

During my latter college years, I frequently tiptoed through the living room while my male roomies silently watched adult videos. I didn't interrupt their version of male bonding much less join them -- not because I was prudish but because I was prudent; I just didn't think it was a good idea to be the sole female in the midst of several hormonally-charged, sexually revved-up males, even those I trusted.

I don't remember the first time I watched hardcore porn, but I remember the first time I did so with a group of friends. It took place inside an adult theater -- my first time in one, where I also had a couple of other first-time experiences on the same night.

My memory is a bit fuzzy now (almost as hazy, in fact, as the grainy images of the first XXX films I ever saw -- which unsurprisingly were hardly known for their superior filmmaking qualities), but it happened sometime during my early college years here in the U.S. During that time there was a fairly run-down midnight art house across from the UCLA campus, which was especially popular among students on Friday nights. Why exactly that was I've since forgotten -- but it was during one such evening that my friend Ted took me and a few of his other friends to a screening of a '70s porn flick -- in 3D -- featuring the magnificent John Holmes.

After producing our photo IDs and paying for tickets, we were given rectangular cardboard glasses with red and blue lenses. I'd never been to a 3D movie before, and the prospect of finally seeing my first one and watching Holmes (whose legend I'd been aware of though sight unseen) promised an orgasmic feast for the senses.

Now I couldn't tell you what the movie was about. There may have been a scientist, there might have been aliens, possibly dwarfs, but definitely and inexplicably there was a giant pink bunny. Much later on during the movie there was also Holmes in a cameo role (his billing was overrated, as I remember thinking his performance was, too), inside a boat on the water with a naked woman and a third major character, albeit one that was connected to his body (and in a way, hers too). They were conducting offshore drilling, as someone then wryly put it (the wit might have even been an environmentalist, although he didn't seem to disapprove of this particular instance of it).

By the time the scene was over I was a bit dizzy and befuddled, not only due to motion sickness from the shaky camera work and cloudy picture quality, but mostly as a result of confusing sequences and a bizarre cast of characters that served no reason at all except to provide filler between sex scenes. And also, let me tell you, watching Holmes in action -- and especially in 3D -- can be quite daunting for the uninitiated. Seeing him do so on a sea vessel only filled my mind with quips about the old adage regarding "size of the boat" and "motion of the ocean" and proved to be quite distracting as well (especially when I started thinking that a tugboat might not get one to England, but Holmes could certainly bore his way through to China. Thoughts containing mixed metaphors can be quite annoying, really).

I think the movie was later released as a softcore video, with all the actual sex scenes edited out. I simply can't imagine how viewing it this way could prove remotely gratifying. I'd take a guess that the 3D effects still don't work well and that the aliens, dwarfs, and yes, the giant pink bunny would no longer be mere fillers but provide much of the main storyline. But also, like another friend with us that night constantly swears that "softcore is just a whole lot of tease with absolutely no please," putting John Holmes onscreen without featuring his humongous homey is just missing the point completely.

Especially since the only thing I still remember vividly about the movie was precisely his point. In 3D at that.

Comments

[frayed]

Funny post. That's bizarre - your friend who watched them with his sisters and boyfriends. Also the male bonding thing. So they all get horny, then what? That's too weird. Is that a pinoy thing I wonder.. I mean I can understand like 12 yr old boys, sneaking in a porn tape or something, but a group of grown men?? Eating pansit and lumpia pa.

Saw my first porn in 1st yr HS at Son's house. We were taping a radio play (remember those?) then she found a tape of her dad which said XXX. I couldn't believe it. It was the first time I had seen a man naked. But not only was he naked, a woman was performing fellatio! All this in a French airport. We were all shocked.

I read John Holmes' bio with interest. Predictable though how he got into drugs, ruined his career and how he died..

[Gigi]

Frayed - That whole boy/men watching together thing is precisely what my husband and I were wondering about! I've seen it too often to know it's not as strange as one would think. But family members viewing porn together -- ahh, too weird, even for my blood.

I think I must have seen my first hardcore porn in college, strangely enough, although I'd seen enough of the soft variety in high school. And I also learned what fellatio was in 1st year -- never seen it, but someone in our batch told me all about her experience with it (you remember hearing about that story, don't you?).

[Sandra]

Gigi - this post is both strange and hilarious at the same time. However, now that you mention Arnel's story I think I recall walking in on some second cousin's and a few of their friends watching one when I was in the Philippines. I had never seen one before so I think I was a little disoriented and didn't even realize that was what they were watching.
I seem to remember my first time watching one had not pancit, but Pad Thai involved.. LOL...

[Gigi]

Sandra - Is THAT what we were eating??? :)

I'll also never forget that video you brought over to my apartment, the one with Kring-Kring moaning, "Ibiyak mo ang niyog! Ibiyak mo ang niyog!!!"

[Sandra]

Oh my gosh.. I totally forgot about that video!!! Now that was classic!

[duke]

hi gigi!

really, a family watching porn together is too bizaare for me too! what were they thinking? lol

[frayed]

now now... (I remember that story)

[Gigi]

Duke - I guess it makes us realize family bonding activities are more varied than most folks expect, 'no? :)

Frayed - Hey, no judgement on my part there! The only reason I still remember is because until then, I had absolutely NO idea sex could be more than just "man on top." So it was a good thing, yes?

[frayed]

Ya, just kidding.
Anyway, my mistake. I earlier said first time I had seen a naked man was in HS. Let me correct that - it was the first time I had seen a moving man naked. Now all these memories are rushing back. I was exposed to porn quite early - I remember getting caught by "Tengo" with a "bedtime story book" in 6th Grade (sec.4) which was a little book with pictures of people doing various acts. A bunch of us were threatened with suspension. We cried our way out, then laughed after being sent back to our classroom. I also had 2 teenage brothers at the time and they had various magazines which I had seen since I was 10. Wonder how this changed me.. ruined innocence!

[Jeg]

I remember seeing porn on Betamax as a kid when my uncle was watching one and it almost ruined my teenage years. I mean, I thought the dimensions on those porn guys' members were the norm. Imagine the feeling of inadequacy that gave me as I was going through adoloscence. :D

[Jeg]

Typo: adolescence, I mean.

[batjay]

watching a porn film with all the actual sex scenes edited out is like watching the sound of music with all the songs taken out.

[Gigi]

Frayed - I remember you once wrote that you loved to read when you were growing up. I guess you forgot to mention that your reading list was quite varied even then! :)

Jeg - Ah, now we're back to "size of the boat" and "motion of the ocean." What was that other thing again? Something about how it's no good anyway if the boat is too large for the dock? :)

KB! You really REALLY nailed it right on the head (oops, no pun intended...talaga). I know sometime in the near future, your observation will be repeated over and over (just like the "size of the boat" thing) until it's a classic. And then I can say you wrote it HERE first!

[vina]

hehe, i remember when i was still young(er) and curious about it all, that i would sneak into my lola's house (which was just beside ours), and take all the untitled vhs tapes or those with funny looking titles in the hopes of hitting a "jackpot". my tito kasi (who was still in college then) always watched porn flicks.

[Gigi]

Vina - Smart ka, ha! :)