I'm not a good liar, but I have a problem being completely honest. With myself, that is. I've recently realized that all these many years I've focused on what I ought to do and how I ought to feel, in the process brushing away what my heart really wants. Maybe because it's the safer thing to do, because it's the more rational path. And maybe that's why most of the time I feel like I'm two people trying to share the same brain and heart -- except that each part is being tugged separately and simultaneously by the different selves.
So now I'm thinking -- and feeling -- that maybe what I really ought to do is admit to myself what's real. Not an easy thing to do when it means facing consequences I don't want to deal with, or if it means having to fight through the hard. I suppose it's human nature that we try to achieve the best results with the least amount of effort, even if we often find the most fulfillment when we give something our all. Or especially when what we're struggling for is something we really desire instead of a goal we merely know to be good and right.
What I know for sure is that the toughest part, for myself at least, is stripping away all the things I've rationalized into wanting and discovering that which makes life truly worth living. I'm not sure what I'd do once I find it, but I'm certain it will make all the difference, no matter the cost.
JUST THINKING
I'm not a good liar, but I have a problem being completely honest. With myself, that is. I've recently realized that all these many years I've focused on what I ought to do and how I ought to feel, in the process brushing away what my heart really wants. Maybe because it's the safer thing to do, because it's the more rational path. And maybe that's why most of the time I feel like I'm two people trying to share the same brain and heart -- except that each part is being tugged separately and simultaneously by the different selves.
So now I'm thinking -- and feeling -- that maybe what I really ought to do is admit to myself what's real. Not an easy thing to do when it means facing consequences I don't want to deal with, or if it means having to fight through the hard. I suppose it's human nature that we try to achieve the best results with the least amount of effort, even if we often find the most fulfillment when we give something our all. Or especially when what we're struggling for is something we really desire instead of a goal we merely know to be good and right.
What I know for sure is that the toughest part, for myself at least, is stripping away all the things I've rationalized into wanting and discovering that which makes life truly worth living. I'm not sure what I'd do once I find it, but I'm certain it will make all the difference, no matter the cost.
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